Random thoughts

Bad memories – Story No. 2

I’m going to take you into the day of my back surgery. Except that it didn’t come to this, because something went terribly wrong.

My sedentary lifestyle, combined with occasional back overloading, led me to a lumbar hernia. Eventually, I needed a back surgery. As a former nurse, I was well aware of all possible complications, but I really didn’t expect the one that happened.

Just another scary story from the Operating Room

My surgeon was a music fan, so he left the radio on. He said it calms him down while operating. It calmed me down for a moment too. The song that was playing at the time was Lykke Li’s I follow rivers, performed by Triggerfinger.

The Nurse gave me an infusion of antibiotics (it’s given routinely to all patients to prevent post-surgery infections). I felt something cold in my hand and the next thing I remember was me gasping for air. My whole body became like a balloon in a moment and I was choking. I went into anaphylactic shock.

Everything was happening really fast. I was able to say something like “I can’t breathe”, then I passed out. I was switching between blackouts and gasping for the air.
I could hear some distant voices from time to time, saying “we’re losing her”, “breathe”, “adrenaline”, “fast”, “reanimate”.

I woke up shivering in the recovery room. Stuff around me looked very worried but relieved at the same time. I’m grateful that I was surrounded by such a great and professional team. I knew I had a near-death experience and I had a huge luck that this happened on the operating table. Elsewhere I wouldn’t have the slightest chance of surviving. The surgery was rescheduled because I needed to pass some allergy tests first.

The song I’ve mentioned will always have a bitter taste for me and I just don’t know how to get over it. Every time I hear it, it takes me straight back into the operating table. Thankfully, I don’t hear it often.

Feel free to share your own experience with music and memories. What brings you out from the bad ones?

9 Comments

  • Joshua Shea

    I once got some advice from a counselor in rehab about this. She was a drug addict for years and had a handful of songs with bad memories attached to them. Her solution was to try and change her mindset about the situation. Instead of that song being from the time you almost died, think about it as the time you proved to yourself that you could fight for your life. It’s your anthem for living, not dying! If you were a pro athlete, this is what you’d want playing every time you conquered something. It should be your ultimate empowering music. It’s your theme to fighting the afterlife. Most of us aren’t lucky enough to have one of those! I don’t really have this specific issue with songs but have used this kind of “flip the switch” thinking on other things that had bad associations. It really does work if you repeat it to yourself enough.

  • limitlessmare

    That is a scary experience 🙁 I woke up during an eye surgery. I had a detached retina, I’m thankful no music was playing. It was rather traumatic.
    I find calming acoustic music with no lyrics calms me down instantly. I have a playlist I listen to regularly.

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