Random Thoughts

Behind the scenes – update

I never told you the whole story behind the scene. The environment I’m working in and so on. So, welcome to my place. 🙂

I live in a tiny rented apartment, I can’t really afford on my own. I live out of a social aid completely.
My living environment is pretty great for the first time in my life though.
I help around a lot. Even though I work only as a volunteer, I’m never hungry or without clothes.

I have many second hand clothes and other things that can be reused. I have lived like this since ever.
When I was in primary school, I worked with workbooks which were used by some other kid already.
My mom erased the writings with a Tipp-Ex, because we couldn’t afford the basic school materials.

I financially supported myself for as long as I could. I can do many things, but I can’t do as much as most of the companies expect from people (officially waiting for working rehabilitation or even retirement).
I think we’d need to redefine the working expectations as a society. Many people are too exhausted already. I don’t know what needs to happen for things to change, but I hope they eventually will.

I don’t have a car, nor do I have a driver’s license. I can’t focus on the driving and watching for the signs and so at the same time.
I could somehow push through to get a license, but I’d be quite a dangerous driver, so I quit.
I actually love to move around and luckily I live in the city, so I have everything I need in the palm of my hand.

Many people look a bit down at me because of that. I don’t like this, but I’m getting used of it.
It’s the same as it’s with diagnoses. You’re so easily less of a human. But that’s ok.
I’m slowly learning that this is not my problem, but rather other people’s.
You can’t change the world, but you can change yourself and your own point of view.

My work is mostly done on my 10+ years old PC, which is in even worse state than my mind. I brought it back to life a couple of times already.
I have such passion for technology that I’ve learned to fix computers too. Not just my own, my family and some friends rely on me for that matter.

I can do wonders with old machines (also working on Linux), but it takes much more time. Especially when you work with graphic materials.

This picture is from 2006, but some things never changed.

I do more and more work on my cell phone as well, but I could never afford the right one I’d need.
Thankfully, one of the companies helped me with the last buy, so I’ve updated myself to Xiaomi Redmi note 9. This is my 3rd Xiaomi phone. They offer very much even in the lowest price range, this is what I like the most.
So, when you see my sponsored link and imagine that I make a living out of this – this is just not it.

Many of you already know that I’m a huge photography enthusiast, so I’m really thrilled to do some test shots with this new gadget too.
And of course to record you a better so called podcasts. 🙂

I never wanted any ads on my blog, but I can’t do much more with my old equipment, so I needed to do this step. For me and for you.

I’m very grateful for all the support I get through Patreon and the support I received from the Mishop.si.
A special thanks goes also for all of the people who help me with material things and emotionally supporting me.
This last thing goes for some of you who support me through the comments too. <3

What about you, how does your relationship with technology look like?
Do you like it or are you using it just because “you have to”?


  • moragnoffke

    Dear Maja, thank you for sharing your life so openly and honestly. I know that I treasure your communication and understand how it might feel (for example not having a drivers license..) My daughter could not get hers because of social phobia that really impacts some of her life. Other people don’t understand how our life is if they don’t try to see it from our perspective. I think you are doing amazingly and you have courage. Behind the scenes is real life.

  • ashleyleia

    Your apartment looks nice and bright!

    In my city, it’s becoming more common for young people not to get driver’s licenses because public transit is good and having a car is expensive. Hopefully not driving will become a more socially acceptable option everywhere. I don’t always feel safe to drive, because my reaction time is too slow. Sounds like you’ve made a very wise choice about not driving.

    I don’t care about having the newest and fanciest technology. I replace things when they stop working properly. That’s awesome that you’ve learned how to do your own work on your tech.

    • Maja

      Thanks Ashley. So, you’re quite like me when it comes to technology 🙂
      That’s great to hear about your city and public transit. I hope this spreads all over the world eventually.
      I live in a tiny country, but we’re quite disconnected from other cities, because of, especially during the weekends. In the capital we have a bit better options, but it’s pretty limited area.

  • J. P. K. | Johandros Systems

    Now I have some water in my eyes.
    And I am thankful for it, although I can’t tell what exactly was the reason in particular.
    It is great to hear that you are into technology like that, repairing things.
    I usually didn’t have the power for it due to all my other problems, at least when it comes to hardware problems. But if could help some people with software problems and also recovering some data from old disks and such things. It usually gave me a good feeling, but since I wasn’t able to find a way to get money or be able to live otherwise, the heavy pressure and my problems (related to it), robbed more and more of interest in anything and made things I once loved or was curious about something I almost hated and feared. I hope that I know might be able to do the things I wished to do. Basically making other people happy, which then makes me happy. If I could have just done that, without needing to fear that I won’t be able to handle everything in my life and all these other things, I would have probably just done it and would feel good about it.

    Hey and finally I have someone with whom I might be able to talk about some computer stuff, although I am more about they work together and what can be done with them and that I can do some things. People sometimes expected me to know about differences between graphics cards and such things, because I could program and knew this and that, but the hardware usually didn’t interest me that much. And I also still have an old computer, my first one, I got from a cousin who also got it from someone else before and replaced a few parts. This thing still runs, although of course not really practical anymore. ^^ It has an old Nvidia graphics card I never heard of and I think a 2 GB Harddisk and Windows 98. 😀
    It is sad how this thing still works, while in the mean time two newer computers broke (some parts of them). And I also got some old computers from some people this year. Since I was not even able to really stay alive, I wasn’t able to do much with them, so I bought new ones for them and their children. But this way I managed to still recover the data from their old computers, learned a few new things about the backup software I used and also bought some devices, like a HDD/SDD – USB adapter and such things. I still don’t understand how I was able to still do these things and didn’t mess it up, although I fought fight suicide, trauma, depression and other things, like work I couldn’t do, my father etc. in the mean time. I just didn’t want to let these people down, since the last time I said I can’t do a thing because of how I felt and I was scared to break something. Since their HDD was broken and although I did a lot of research and knew what had to be done (at least all the theory), I didn’t. Then they ended up paying as much money as I paid for two new computers, just to get their data. I actually would have recommended a cheaper company… And because I usually ignored my own health, since … yea… I gave myself the fault and then paid for their computers. In the end I think it was good as it was and some people learned something, but I wouldn’t want to experience anything like this again.
    I think no one around me understood what I was going through, feeling, thinking and that I was feeling as if I was hanging on a cliff with one hand or maybe just a finger holding me, while I still tried to do what seemed necessary and helped others with my other hand (speaking in pictures).

    I was really great that I found you and others around here.
    Not only gives it hope and literally saved my life, I also see a lot of changes and chances again.
    Thanks a lot for having you and that you are doing what you do.
    I am still very fragile and instable from time to time, but given that I somehow made a “flash-recovery” and was confronted with almost anything I either went through or could think of and that just in the time of 1.5 years mainly working it through on my own.

    I had no other way and you know what I mean, I guess, since of what you went through.
    I hope I will be able to make new forms / ways of therapy and care available or support and combine already existing ones, which had helped me and others.
    Things which hopefully will be either fun, safe or without pressure and without limitations when it comes to time, money or such things. Because not everyone who went through things like us, should have to work through or out of it the ways we did or tried.

    Keep doing your thing(s) and it is great to feel less alone or not alone. 💛💜

    • Maja

      Windows 98 :)) Yes, our expectations aren’t always realistic. Nobody knows everything and until then we can all just imagine. And expect a programmer to know all about computers.
      You’ve really been through a lot. Thanks for opening up. I’m glad that you found some shelter in this and other blogs, you’re always more than welcome here.
      Indeed, it can be really hard when you’re alone and on your own.
      You too – keep doing your things and I wish you all best in your journey.

  • Yetismith

    What you are doing is very brave. If anyone looks down on you they are just ignorant or maybe afraid that they could not be as courageous as you. Your photographs are great and so are your posts which benefit so many people, self included.
    Best wishes always.

  • ZeroSpace

    You’re really an amazing person, Maja. That’s all I can say in this moment because it’s time for me to go to work. But I have bookmarked this for later re-reading and comment. This thing about fixing computers. There’s always some interesting new info about you and that great brain of yours.

  • gaillovesgod

    Maya, I’m sorry you’re having it so hard. Don’t let others run your life or emotions.
    I know that’s easier said than done, but you are God’s treasure! He loves you so much! <3

  • Jeff Flesch

    A lovely post, Maja. The vulnerability and in equal measure strength you exude is awe inspiring as always. This here, “You can’t change the world, but you can change yourself and your own point of view.” When you change yourself and your point of view, you are changing the world; you do so everytime you blog, and everytime you touch another human being with your photography. You do change the world. You do. Keep breathing, and be well.❤️

  • ZeroSpace

    Where might we make a one time safe and secure payment? This patreon appears subscription based. I’m also fairly suspicious of payment methods I’ve never used before. If you sold something on Amazon I would buy it. Maybe a book about closets that have borderline personality. I joke, but honestly I’d donate a one time if there was a secure way to do so.
    We might also continue that e-mail about job stuff. I fell off because I was busy being a depressed drunk, etc. It appears you have more computer skills than I thought.

    • Maja

      Thanks for your support Melissa.
      I never thought that Pateron is so complicated. I’ll check some other options. Thanks for pointing it out.
      Oh, you still remember that email… we can continue anytime. 🙂 You were very helpful, not just for a depressed drunk. Oh you. I’d say please don’t ever drink again, but on the other hand… I can really understand how unbearable can life be in our heads sometimes. But still, take a nice care of yourself, please. <3

      • ZeroSpace

        I appreciate your understanding 😄. I can go several weeks sometimes without. But when I do drink it’s just too much. I’ll keep practicing denying cravings. Yes, if you figure out a one time secure payment system, I’ll donate. Will e-mail one of these days too.

  • Hetty Eliot

    You have so many talents and skills! You have artistic skills and very in-demand practical ones. Don’t feel bad about the driving thing. I’m 32 and although I have a license, I have not driven in over twelve years (since I actually earned the license 😂) and I’ve never driven alone. I have a neurological problem I can blame, but really I’m too scared. And I was TERRIBLE! The world ought to thank me for staying off the road! But in addition to being scared, I simply cannot focus my attention on my surroundings and concentrate on what I’m doing. I don’t do it on purpose and it’s not because I’m stupid. My brain cannot do it. Plus with the neurological problem I have it’s not a good idea to drive. I don’t feel ashamed anymore. It’s just the way it is. People act like driving is a right and necessity and all people MUST do it. Well guess what? Not everyone is good at it. Not everyone likes it. So don’t feel bad. Be proud of making other people work around your lack of transportation! It’s also a great excuse when you don’t want to go somewhere.

    • Maja

      I really don’t want you to have all these issues you’re dealing with. But at the same time it’s really nice feeling to feel understood.
      You’re a strong woman moving through life despite the extra pressure your brain puts on you.

      It’s also a great excuse when you don’t want to go somewhere.

      Indeed it can be a great excuse. 😀
      Thanks for sharing all of this Eliot.

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