Trauma, self-harm and me as my worst enemy


I wrote a post about others. What they did to me and how wrong it was. I’d like to point out another person, who did plenty of horrible things to me as well. It was me. Hi. * hides under the table * I’m deeply ashamed and I wasn’t doing this on purpose. But the … Read more

The unbearable burden of emotional pain

I prefer to rant into my private journal or release unpleasant feelings through exercise. Or talking to somebody very close to me. But I’ve done pretty much everything and nothing helped today. At this point I’d go for a razor or some drugs (that’s something I’ve been avoiding for many years, but I did have … Read more

Side effects – are they worth it?

I have my own view of the drugs (prescribed and non-prescribed ones). Even though I’ve used them in many inappropriate ways as well, I always thought of them as an accessory. Something like a crutch to a broken leg. Taking drugs only if really necessary and in a dose that suits the individual most. Everything … Read more

You matter #2

Sometimes we forget the importance of our existence. And how strongly we influence each others. Sometimes a single word change a person’s life. For better or for worse. Don’t take yourself for granted. Because you matter, you truly do. No matter how unimportant you might feel sometimes. I would like to thank all of you … Read more

About that always missing part

There’s one thing that many of us have in common. It’s that constant craving thing. No matter where you are or with whom No matter how great things are in life, you can’t get rid of the feeling that there is always something missing. Not all the time, but many times. This feeling can push … Read more

The post-depression blues

Depression can make us really selfish. At least this is what it did to me. I used to function in a way that I put everyone before me. I really wasn’t a selfish person, even when I’d needed to be, for my own good. Setting some healthy boundaries just wasn’t my thing. The difference between … Read more

Why do we dream?

Have you ever wondered why do we dream? An interesting video about dreams. What about you, do you dream a lot or you can’t remember dreaming at all? When do your dreams change?

What happens when biohacking goes wrong?

A few years ago, I’ve decided to make some improvements in my life, after I’ve been struggling with way too many health issues. I was always very much into medicine and science, so the biohacking looked like a perfect solution for the new me. Better, stronger and for most, healthier version of myself. This could … Read more

Too tired to live, too tired to die

Every time I stop and look deeply into myself, I can’t see a reason that would motivate me to live. I can get to this point, no matter how hard I try, and no matter what kind of drugs (= medications) I put in my mouth. I really wanted to die when I was 15, … Read more