Dear abusers, what you did was wrong.

Dear readers, I’m not looking for any comforting words this time. I’ve got enough of them already and I’m really grateful for that.
Because of it, I can finally open up more and share with you some details.

I know many people went through far worse situations than myself.
But what happened to me wasn’t right nor was it easy.
I just want to let these thoughts out.

To maybe help somebody else to open up.

Because a similar thing might happen to some of you too. Somebody might even convince you that what they are doing is ok. And that you’re making stuff up, overreacting, that you can’t feel hurt just like that or that you’re just playing the victim while you’re not one (I’ve been listening to this my entire life).
Any kind of abuse is wrong and you don’t have to tolerate it. Period.

My trauma

  • One of my family members had me mostly locked up in a house (sometimes just a part of the house) for years. I was allowed to leave the house to go to the library or into the school. My rare friends weren’t allowed to visit me (and vice versa) until I stood up for myself a little in my puberty.
    This member was in conflict with other members of the house often and “blocked” in multiple ways the people who were trying to help me in any way.
    I was allowed to visit my other side of the family occasionally where I had all material things I needed, but not much of anything else.
    The other side was equally abusive, even though I haven’t acknowledged this for years.
  • My main living environment was moldy, without the heating and basic equipment for years. Winters were the only refrigerator we had for years. The environment wasn’t nearly as traumatizing as it were the relationships all around me. My school environment was also very toxic, but I did have a little support from some of my teachers.
  • One of my family members was involved in rough sex with multiple partners, many times in the same bed where I was sleeping. He also used my presence while doing some illegal things, so he looked more innocent to others. He also used me to manipulate his women for not leaving him.
  • I was sexually and otherwise abused by multiple people multiple times (one of them was also my bf).
  • I lost a boyfriend when I was 16, due to drug overdose.
    One of my friends died a year before that (he overdosed too) and I have almost died that day too. There was a third person around who saved me, but couldn’t save him. Somewhere in between, I also failed my suicide attempt.
  • I was stuck in the back seat of the car witnessing my friend being beaten by her boyfriend. He also used a gun for threats many times.
    This is not everything, but I’m not comfortable to share more for now.

This is not everything, but I’m not comfortable to share more for now.

I’ve stopped looking for excuses even for my own family.

What they did was wrong, but holding grudges don’t help either.
For me this time, not for their own protection like I used to do. Or maybe just a little, if I’m completely honest.

I would actually like to thank every single one of my abusers to help me become a person I am today. Because I’m very proud of that person.
Far from being perfect, but good enough for me.

I wish you all a nice weekend. <3

37 thoughts on “Dear abusers, what you did was wrong.”

  1. Thank you for opening up like this, I hope you are alright after writing these things down here. I know it can be overwhelming, positive maxbe, but also very painful. Because of all the memories, the words and relations. I was fighting with myself, whether I should write something or not. I hope it was okay. Thank you again, you are wonderful! 💜😌

    Reply
  2. Name the culprits. They rely on your silence. They also rely on mercy and forgiveness, and the decency of the society around them. They may move onto other victims. As an adult coming forward it may be too late to get justice. You have moral codes and inner strength, and I am heartened that your experiences haven’t twisted you. I hope you regain your zest for life.

    Reply
    • Thanks Nigel. 🙂
      I don’t want to waste any more time on them and pointing them out is exactly that. They don’t deserve that much attention from me, I have better things to do.
      This is my justice, to enjoy life at least a little, despite my past and maybe help some other people along the way.

      Reply
  3. You should be proud. That is an awful lot to overcome. What people do to one another is unimaginable. Stay well, stay proud.

    Reply
  4. Much of your early life is familiar. I have two”bonus kids” who came to live with me when they were 12 & 13. Their mother wasn’t in the picture and their father used them to further his own agenda. He had custody of the 13 year old (daughter) for most of her life and there are many horrors she’s blocked out but your stories are familiar. Your life can be better than what happened in the past – I promise you. Many congratulations for rising above it already. You have to do what makes it right for you, and no one can tell you what’s the right way to handle it. I’m just glad you aren’t around them any longer.

    Reply
  5. Wow I am so sorry all of that happened to you. No one deserves any of it. Thank goodness that you are here among us, able to share your story and hopefully have some catharsis of your pain. You are helping people and you have so many rooting for you. I hope you have many opportunities for freedom and happiness. You deserve to be happy.

    Reply
  6. I’m so sorry for what you went through and I’m proud of you for opening up. That’s not easy! I can tell you that (for me) I got more freedom from my abusers when I finally was able see, in a twisted way, how important they were in my story. I m thankful for the horrible people because I truly would not be who I am today without them or the experiences. My next step is forgiving myself for letting myself down for all these years. Have you been able to forgive them or yourself yet?

    Reply
    • I didn’t completely forgive myself yet, but working on it. I’m sorry to hear that you have a bitter story behind you as well.
      Thanks for stopping by Angie and all best in your recovery.

      Reply
  7. Maja, this is a powerful and courageous post. Thank you for sharing these parts of your story. I have felt the incredible depth in your writing and many glimpses of you through this work, and already had a solid respect for you. This only deepens that respect. I am sorry you have gone through these things, and glad you can make the perspective you have in utilizing your considerable strength. Thank you for being you and your willingness to be genuine🤍.

    Reply
  8. Thank you for sharing something so difficult of your backstory, but I am glad to see you are still here creating and writing words that will resonate with many people and might save them. Don’t forget that smile! 🙂

    Reply
  9. Wow Maja. You can be so proud just for this post alone. It’s so powerful, and together with that photo of you— it’s a perfect way to illustrate it.

    It’s so great you are able to open up more. People are fascinated to get to know you :D. And that’s just a really touching thing that all the accumulated encouragement helped you get to this point of being able to write and share this. 💙 There’s so much there. And you certainly are managing to help a lot of people along the way :).

    Reply

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