Random thoughts

Fears and insecurities

This is just another thing that’s easier to write and talk about, than actually doing it. But you need to do things in order to change anything in your life. You need to go out of your comfort zone for this too. How much, depends on you and you only.

I’ve found these two questions very important for myself:
What do you really want (in life or in specific situations)?
What can you do in order to achieve this?

We’re different and nothing works for everybody. Most of the things in life come with a price and we can’t influence everything in life.
But we can influence which sacrifices are we willing to take in order to achieve our goals, happiness or otherwise feel fulfilled.

I’ve been through many traumatic events, which made my life very uncertain. A little bit of comfort zone felt pretty darn good for a change.
But I was in it for way too long. For this matter, I’m actually grateful for being depressed. Depression helped me to stop and see what was going on actually. I’m just ashamed that I needed so much time to wake up and saw things clearly.

Prepare for the worst and you won’t get disappointed

This used to be my philosophy in the past. Because, well, I was used to the worst scenarios. They were my reality. Some other people coping with CPTSD might relate.

It’s good to acknowledge the worst case scenario, but being preoccupied with it, never ends up well. There must be a little bit of “prepare for nothing” too. To leave some fear behind and leave the room for more options.

Here is the room for a motivational quote or success story about how I overcame my own fears and insecurities. But there is not much to add. Because I’m still afraid of so many things (my own self included). And boy, I’m insecure.

Now

I’m doing baby steps in this direction. By doing one thing that scares me at least a little. Every single day.
Sometimes this might be a walk through the center of the city, sometimes it’s talking to my closest people, sometimes an opening of the topic, I find really difficult to talk about, going on a local hill or just driving around with a bike… Things many people take for granted, but many of us are actually afraid to do.

If I’m not consistent, my mental health breaks into little pieces. This happens a lot. Like I’ve said, no success story here yet.

What about you, what are you doing on a daily basis that scares you at least a little?

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