Fears and insecurities

This is just another thing that’s easier to write and talk about, than actually doing it. But you need to do things in order to change anything in your life. You need to go out of your comfort zone for this too. How much, depends on you and you only.

I’ve found these two questions very important for myself:
What do you really want (in life or in specific situations)?
What can you do in order to achieve this?

We’re different and nothing works for everybody. Most of the things in life come with a price and we can’t influence everything in life.
But we can influence which sacrifices are we willing to take in order to achieve our goals, happiness or otherwise feel fulfilled.

I’ve been through many traumatic events, which made my life very uncertain. A little bit of comfort zone felt pretty darn good for a change.
But I was in it for way too long. For this matter, I’m actually grateful for being depressed. Depression helped me to stop and see what was going on actually. I’m just ashamed that I needed so much time to wake up and saw things clearly.

Prepare for the worst and you won’t get disappointed

This used to be my philosophy in the past. Because, well, I was used to the worst scenarios. They were my reality. Some other people coping with CPTSD might relate.

It’s good to acknowledge the worst case scenario, but being preoccupied with it, never ends up well. There must be a little bit of “prepare for nothing” too. To leave some fear behind and leave the room for more options.

Here is the room for a motivational quote or success story about how I overcame my own fears and insecurities. But there is not much to add. Because I’m still afraid of so many things (my own self included). And boy, I’m insecure.

Now

I’m doing baby steps in this direction. By doing one thing that scares me at least a little. Every single day.
Sometimes this might be a walk through the center of the city, sometimes it’s talking to my closest people, sometimes an opening of the topic, I find really difficult to talk about, going on a local hill or just driving around with a bike… Things many people take for granted, but many of us are actually afraid to do.

If I’m not consistent, my mental health breaks into little pieces. This happens a lot. Like I’ve said, no success story here yet.

What about you, what are you doing on a daily basis that scares you at least a little?

24 thoughts on “Fears and insecurities”

  1. Hi Maja I’m glad to hear your hopeful story. And I think I should learn from you by taking initiative in doing things I have always wanted to do but kept aside due to fear and insecurities. I think nothing is certain and everything comes with risks and sacrifices (like you say). So we shall just embrace it as it comes. <3

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  2. Wonderful post, Maja, thank you. I would like to echo, and invite you to consider, another sentiment shared previously in the thread of comments. That you are already a success. Your daily actions, your awareness, and your compassion. Lovely. Be well.

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    • I can imagine how frightening can this be, at least from my point of view. I hope it will become much easier for you through time and experience. Just don’t stop. 🙂

      Reply
  3. Some days, just getting out of bed feels like a major victory.

    A while back, it was crying. You know that sense of release you get when the tears come? For a couple of months recently, I was in a place where I knew I needed to cry. I felt the tears well up and then… nothing. I suspected I might have an idea why, but it didn’t help. Now I have the tears back.

    Some days, before lockdown, it was getting up and performing – something I found I could do even on days when I was having major anxiety. Sometimes, I look back to the first open mike night I ever performed a couple of months after a major bereavement, having been curled up on the floor all afternoon, seeing the microphone come apart in my hands and having to wait while the compere fixed it. Had I chosed the “sod this” route and left at that point, I might never have known what I could do when I get up on stage. Sometimes, it really does come down to holding faith through a scary moment.

    Sometimes it comes down to reading a piece like this on a weepy evening, and not feeling so alone. (Sorry, bit too much there)

    Reply
    • It’s ok. 🙂 Writing your thoughts can have a similar effect as you described by crying. I hope you got some relief.
      Thanks for stopping by, Woodsy.

      Reply

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