Random thoughts

Good memories – Story No. 1

I started those series with some bad memories. Now it’s time to focus on good ones too. To keep things in balance here.

A little bit of my background

My mom moved a lot when I was a kid and so have I. We landed in her hometown when I was 8 years old. The kids were not so nice to me there. They were bullying me in many ways. I somehow managed to make one stronger bond with a girl from my class. We were much alike and always in for some crazy stuff.

We had plenty of ceremonies at school with kids performing and doing lots of different things. You know, the usual school life.
I had such a low self esteem back then, that I absolutely hated to be exposed in any way. Nor for the good nor for the bad. I refused to be a part of any ceremony.

I was interested in many things and tried them too. I was singing, playing music instruments, I even danced for a few years. Teachers really liked my writings and pushed me to some competitions. I received many awards, but I was always so ashamed to receive them, like I have to be ashamed of my good parts rather than bad ones.
I’ve tried many other things too, I just couldn’t stick to them. I already struggled with ADHD/CPTSD symptoms.

I’m still stuck in this “Jack of all trades, but master of none” thing.

The performing

I still don’t know how this happened, but me and my friend decided to sing the Beatles’s song Yesterday in front of the whole school at one of these ceremonies. We were 12 back then.

We practiced a little and had plenty of fun, even though I was struggling with singing even in front of her sometimes.
Yet we still nailed it on the stage.
We sang the song from the very beginning to the end, in front of the whole school and most importantly, all of the bullies. We laughed a lot during the song, but others surprisingly didn’t. So it was a nice experience. And one small battle won. πŸ™‚

I still don’t know how this ultra shy kid managed to get things done on the stage, but I’m quite proud of her. I hope I’ll manage to pull her out from the shell for good eventually.


What about you, were you also ashamed of your good qualities and live the life just halfway because of it?

0 Comments

  • Yetismith

    Yes. I can identify completely. I applied myself at school and it was difficult because we also moved a lot and I had to learn 3 different types of schooling, British/American/French and then back again. But when I did well I received no compliments, no “well done, we know it’s hard”, nothing. My mum told me once that my father thought I could be “anything I wanted”. I was amazed. Meanwhile they had sent me away to live with relatives and never inquired how I was doing, never supported my academic efforts. My uncle wanted to bed me and I spent my time staying out of his way, working to support myself and trying to keep up with my classes. Result, not great and I felt like a failure. Still do. I reached a point where I thought I could succeed at one thing or another but by then I also felt, why bother, who cares, what difference will it make. So yes, I understand. But you are still young. I don’t know where the world is headed but you obviously have talent and drive. The “new World” will need people like you. It’s hard, I know, but just as you stood up to those bullies, you can stand up for yourself.

    • Maja

      Oh yes, that why bother and what difference will it make… I can relate a lot. Thanks for your insights and kind words Carolyn πŸ™‚

  • Nadia Willemse

    Can relate to the Jack of all trades bit, I also seem to get bored quickly – changed my line of work 3 times in 5 years! Is it a creative thing? Or maybe because, just like you, my family moved around a lot when I was young so I never knew what it’s like to really be “settled”… ? Anyway, this is not a bad thing. The world has so much to offer and if we keep putting our minds to things, just think of all the great things we can accomplish and how enriched we can become through different experiences… If there’s one thing I’ve learned since my mid-20’s it’s that “stability” is not what brings balance. Actually it’s quite the opposite. πŸ˜‰ Nice to read a little more about you – stay confident in yourself!

  • Woodsy

    There’s a place I go to sometimes, when I get up and share to a room full of people. A confident place, even if I have been having a really bad day beforehand… even if some of those in the audience were amazed to find I could actually speak.

    I think sometimes, this place that some of us can go to when we stand up in front of others…
    It’s a part of us that really loves to surprise us with ourselves.

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