How To Find Your Good Qualities?

Do you ever come to the point, when you can only see the bad in you and just can’t see (m)any good in yourself?

I was there a lot, and still am sometimes, especially when my inner critic starts to shout. Everybody has some good and some bad qualities and so do you.

What can you do to turn around your point of view?

There are several things that can help. I will share with you what helped me today.

Make a list of 5 people you admire. Then write down what you admire in each one of them.
Do you recognize any of these traits in you too?
It’s very common to like (and dislike) the same things in others that we have in ourselves.

We had a similar exercise in my group therapy. We wrote down a list of our childhood superheroes instead of people we admire right now. The results were very similar (but I still can’t fly though).

It’s good to have these things written somewhere you can easily see even when your mood shifts.

You might see the good things, but still don’t feel good about yourself, and that’s ok too. β™₯ Your feelings are valid, no matter how you might feel.

Do you see your good qualities easily or you need to think a bit more to recall them?

Further reading:
10 Questions To Help You Find and Boost Your Superpowers
5 Fun and Free Ways to Identify Your Superpowers
10 Ways to Feel Better About Yourself

10 thoughts on “How To Find Your Good Qualities?”

  1. I’ve always been my own worst critic! But I admire loyalty and maybe I can see that in myself. I am able to admit and apologize when I have been wrong. I do not ever judge other people…why would I? Ha! And I can forgive. Only thing I could not forgive would be if someone hurt someone I love or any animal. But I am seriously messed up, still! (I’m 73)

  2. I suffer attacks of extreme insecurity, but I am often rescued from the abyss by my own self-confidence and my deplorable vanity. Think Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins. Very famous band. He is the biggest hero of my music life, and he is someone who I think has the exact same personality blueprint as I do. I also think, after many years of observation, that my beloved Billy has BPD. For real. Just look at the bastard.
    Let me present a balanced viewpoint for the benefit of others. Maybe someone can learn from my painfully honest audit here. Negative – I am: Petulant, insecure, childlike, sometimes very dependent on praise and feedback, extremely angry, sometimes violent (destroying objects in my apartment and taking a machete to the wall when mad – this happened once), my moods swing rapidly, I am hard to deal with in a relationship, and I close myself off from family and friends when I feel vulnerable and enter into what I call “The Bending Mirrors Of Perception” – that borderline moment where you make everyone and everything into The threatening Enemy. It’s quite the bitch, isn’t it – my dear Maja? I know that you know.
    Also, I tend toward alcoholism and I often wonder if I will ever actually overcome this coping mechanism.
    Positive – I am bright, quick, probably high IQ, charming, very good in social situations even when I am uncomfortable, learn things fast, musical, moderately good looking, compassionate, hard worker, enjoy learning (get high on learning in fact) and will walk over hot coals to protect and or serve someone that has captured my affections.
    I think this blueprint represents how many of us operate. I think this is a common blueprint for the better angels and darker angels for a whole lot of people. I don’t really think I am unique in this mix of qualities. Like at all. But thank you for the food for thought. I’m sure this comment is more than you bargained for, but lady you really got me thinking.
    I still cling to that dream of smoking weed with you somewhere beautiful. It’s on my bucket list, lady. You better not forget because I won’t. Even if I am a total pussy about weed smoking these days. (It’s been so long that I’m nervous.)

    • I couldn’t reply earlier, and honestly, this long read scared me at first πŸ˜€
      I can relate to attacks of extreme insecurity indeed. Also childlike… sometimes I think I just can’t grow up and other times that I simply don’t want to (sometimes even I don’t fully understand myself).
      I don’t destroy objects though, I used to point the anger towards myself and with years destroy me more than any abuser ever did. Not proud, but I couldn’t help myself. Now that I’m more aware, the shame persists. Sorry for getting a bit too much on my experience.

      I’m glad I made you think, I just hope it wasn’t too much. I love the part when you wrote about your positives. I can see them too and I really like you. For the goods and the bads, all this is you and you are one unique person, like we all are. You are also someone I can relate to some point. Which is something I struggle with more and more with years. This is why I like you the most and I really wish you all best Melissa.

  3. For me, when I can’t see any good in myself, it’s because I’m depressed. As soon as I come out of the depression, I start liking myself again, without any effort. My good qualities seem obvious to me. So, when I’m low, it’s better for me to focus on improving my mental health, rather than trying to find things to like about myself. Unfortunately, when I’m mentally unwell, I can’t believe anything good about myself!

  4. It’s very very hard. And the worst is when it’s not just our inner critic who talks, but when we mentally use the voices of other people to criticize ourselves, making us super suspicious and isolated. I try to get better by giving other people slack and the benefit of the doubt in order to give myself permission to do the same for me.


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