Random Thoughts

I’m your bad example

I’m never to busy for anoter quick update. I’ve spend many years in the search of who I am, what I want, what I don’t want from life… This year I’ve finally made a progress I’ve been waiting and working on for so long.

It’s not what you might imagine. Quite the opposite probably.
Please, don’t take me for a good example, because I’m not, never will be and won’t even try anymore.

I might be a good example of who you don’t want to be or at least what you don’t want to do.

I don’t aim to live a 100% healthy life anymore. I do eat my broccoli every day and move around enough I can say I train regularly and well. I also rest enough to recover properly. I’ve finally put this into balance.
But I also do eat my chocolate every day and I started to smoke my 2-4 cigarettes per day. You can shoot me for this, but I’m not quiting until my next serious asthma attack. It’s just who I am, who I always was and I need this small amount of unhealthy stuff in my life to feel overall balanced.
I also smoke a joint or two once in a while, to get a relief from my neverending nightmares. The other days I stick to CBD and therapy which is both supervised by my shrink.

As long as I stick to this, I do way less harm to myself in many other ways. It’s how I operated for my whole life. Instead of aiming for a change that is too big for me, I’m aiming for the little things. I could have been far worse, laying in bed all day, smoking 40 cigarettes and drowning myself in alcohol (which I don’t drink at all btw).
This is good enough for me. No more aiming for perfectionism on every corner. It was too hard to stick to my strict regimes I’ve been trying to implement into my life for the last 6 years and live perfectly healthy. These have been the worst years of my life, so why stick to them, right? Something had to change and this is what I did.

This is me now and how I was the last time I saw myself happy for a longer period of time. I have absolutelly no idea what will I do tomorrow though.

If you don’t want to quit your bad habits completelly, you can at least do something to minimize the damage. It’s still better than doing nothing, but you need to be aware that what you’re doing is still bad. Yet there’s no force in this world that can stop you from doing it.

If 100% healthy lifestyle works well for you, that’s great and I’m really glad that it does for some.
We’re different and only you can define what works best for you. There is no “one fits all” solution for everyone.

What about you, who are you? How does your balance look like?

21 Comments

  • Aimee Nekoranik

    There’s no such thing as perfect anyway. Balancing fun and feeling good along with maintaining structure and responsibilities is as close to perfect as you’re gonna get. Life is way too short not to have any fun. I think as long as you stay focused, keep the goals simple/achievable and keep an open mind that you are going to make mistakes from time to time (we all do…every single one of us), go live!!! Have fun and be happy! You deserve it. You’re young. You are not a bad example. You tried to something that didn’t work how you thought so you made some changes and moving forward, not backwards. You’re aware of your triggers and actively in therapy. You’re doing the best you can and that should be one goal achieved. Maybe another goal you should make is to own the mistakes/flaws you make along the way and call them lessons learned. Hopefully it will become easier for you to see them less negative and more as learning tools…maybe. I just don’t want you to be too hard on yourself. You’re such an admired/inspirational person and always sharing ways and your story to help others as well as yourself. Be proud of that! 💛

  • Yetismith

    If you set a goal that seems too hard to achieve, you are bound to get discouraged. Maybe you will reach that goal someday, but you get there by taking life in small stages. I think what you are doing makes a lot of sense. It works for you and you still see things you can change, but the time needs t be right fr that. I think you are amazingly brave, Maja and I wish you much peace and many happy moments. Best wishes always.

  • LaDonna Remy

    Perfectionism only leads to chronic disappointment. It is important to balance. It sounds like you (as I think is always present in your writing) have done lots of reflection on this and found your current balance. Its hugely important. 🤍

  • heavenrosee

    La cosa più importante e utile che si possa fare verso se stessi è “essere se stessi” anche con quelle cose che per i più “non sono sane”….nessuno meglio di noi sa di cosa abbiamo bisogno per mantere l’equilibrio giusto in questo mondo:)

    • Maja

      I don’t understand a word Italian, but luckily, we have Google Translate 😉

      nessuno meglio di noi sa di cosa abbiamo bisogno per mantere l’equilibrio giusto in questo mondo:)

      Indeed. 🙂
      Thanks for stopping by.

  • ibizagoldgirl

    I think yours great and continue to follow you and appreciate your outlook on life. You do you. I’m happy when you are. Have a happy new year, I wish you success and inspiration x

  • Jeff Flesch

    A raw and vulnerable post, Maja. Thank you, as always, for sharing so deeply. There is no such thing as perfection, that is simply a product of the mind, like everything else. We all have bad habits, there are very few who “escape” this truth. I have mine, for sure, and those that say they don’t are living in denial of their own humanity. Be well, and have a lovely New Year. ❤️😊🙏

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