In case you were wondering why I was blogging less…
I’ve had an idea about posting less of my personal thoughts because I never wanted to have a blog where it would be so much about me. And yet here I am. It is what it is now…
I question myself a lot.
Some days I strongly believe that I’m a psychopath or sociopath. Sometimes I still don’t know who was I and more importantly, who am I – the abuser, the victim, both, neither?
I still battle my inner critic, sometimes we get along. Other times my other parts take over and I battle that.
My head feels like a neverending battlefield sometimes. When I’m grounded, I prefer to call this my own little kindergarten, because it makes me feel more compassionate towards my inner parts.
When they become too demanding (which was nearly every day again), I need to put all of my efforts just to keep them from killing each other or better put, me from the inside.
I lack the energy for many basic daily things for that matter.
I’m well aware of what is going on in my head, I just can’t stop it as fast as I’d wanted. And that sux.
It’s not all bad though.
I’m grateful for the drops of joy and relaxation when they come. I’m also very grateful for all the people who support me along the way, including you who take your time to comment on my posts. ❤️
I’ve changed some doctors and therapists recently. I’m not happy about it but I can’t do much here, so I’m trying to adapt.
Every situation can be an opportunity for growth.
You just need to keep your focus where you need it the most. Sometimes easier said than done, I know.
I feel like my focus dropped severely in the last couple of months along with my other mental abilities. I feel like I’m locked from the part of my brain too.
When I don’t eat, drink, sleep, poop, exercise, overthink, fight flashbacks or obsess, I learn, despite everything. I’m now certified even in mindfulness, but the knowledge doesn’t mean much if I can’t share it or otherwise use it. And currently, I’m in such selfish mode that all I can give is a thought from my head or two – the useless parts.
This will be it for today because my mind just doesn’t cooperate as it should. The point of this whole mess was me trying to show up in here, even though I’m not in the mood for doing so or otherwise prepared as I’d like to, to give you more from a post than this.
I love blogging for such opportunities and all of you who are here during my highs and lows, I really appreciate it.
What about you, what are you doing these days?