Many of us have PTSD or even CPTSD. But too many people are quiet about it, suffering in silence. I did it as well, but I’ve learned that talking doesn’t hurt. It can even help if you’re surrounded by the right people. Thank you dear readers for being one of them as well.
I’ve collected some talks about PTSD. To show you that you’re not alone neither you’re the only one. That you aren’t just overreacting and that your struggle is legitimate.
I developed a CPTSD as a consequence of multiple physical, emotional, substance and sexual abuse. From family members to many other people (not all of mentioned apply to all of them and substance abuse was completely my own fault). I won’t go deeper into things I’ve been through. I have so many bad memories, that I could easily write some horror books. Some day I even might…
I’ve blamed myself for many things that happened, but with the help of many therapists I finally understand what was and what wasn’t my fault. The blame still persists as well as many other unpleasant feelings that relate to my past. I can feel extremely unpleasant around some people, because they remind me of some others that are related to traumatic events. Sometimes I avoid people completely to avoid unpleasant feelings that might come up. Sadly, I prevent the pleasant ones as well.
Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in a 36 year old body with the mind of a 80 and a 5 year old at the same time. It’s weird to live inside my head. It was the only place I could escape during the hard times.
I wasn’t able to deal with the past events in a healthy way, so I ran. I ran for many years. Into drugs, relationships, food, work,… I still struggle with every single aspect of my life. But somehow I’m still here, taking one day at the time. Maybe to make a few people that love me happy for a bit longer. Or to write you a story about everything. I haven’t figured it out yet and I’m still stuck between life and death from time to time.
What about you, how are you coping with PTSD or CPTSD (or your friend, a relative or somebody else you know)?