Let’s talk about (C)PTSD

Many of us have PTSD or even CPTSD. But too many people are quiet about it, suffering in silence. I did it as well, but I’ve learned that talking doesn’t hurt. It can even help if you’re surrounded by the right people. Thank you dear readers for being one of them as well.

I’ve collected some talks about PTSD. To show you that you’re not alone neither you’re the only one. That you aren’t just overreacting and that your struggle is legitimate.

I developed a CPTSD as a consequence of multiple physical, emotional, substance and sexual abuse. From family members to many other people (not all of mentioned apply to all of them and substance abuse was completely my own fault). I won’t go deeper into things I’ve been through. I have so many bad memories, that I could easily write some horror books. Some day I even might…

I’ve blamed myself for many things that happened, but with the help of many therapists I finally understand what was and what wasn’t my fault. The blame still persists as well as many other unpleasant feelings that relate to my past. I can feel extremely unpleasant around some people, because they remind me of some others that are related to traumatic events.
Sometimes I avoid people completely to avoid unpleasant feelings that might come up. Sadly, I prevent the pleasant ones as well.

Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in a 36 year old body with the mind of a 80 and a 5 year old at the same time. It’s weird to live inside my head. It was the only place I could escape during the hard times.

I wasn’t able to deal with the past events in a healthy way, so I ran. I ran for many years. Into drugs, relationships, food, work,… I still struggle with every single aspect of my life. But somehow I’m still here, taking one day at the time. Maybe to make a few people that love me happy for a bit longer. Or to write you a story about everything. I haven’t figured it out yet and I’m still stuck between life and death from time to time.

What about you, how are you coping with PTSD or CPTSD (or your friend, a relative or somebody else you know)?

Further reading:
Helping Someone with PTSD
PTSD – How can I help myself?
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Distinguishing PTSD, Complex PTSD, and Borderline Personality Disorder: A latent class analysis

0 Replies to “Let’s talk about (C)PTSD”

  1. Fellow PTSD sufferer here (non military). My main symptom is dissociation, panic and hypervigilance. Post like thisbare very informative and its interesting to see the difference between CPSTD and PTSD. Once you’re labeled it’s hard to tell the difference because I share similarities to CPTSD as well. I use psychotherapy once a week along with proper (low doseage) prescriptions. Beyond that I find that if I stay distracted (bury myself in work/my blog/ or writing my book) it helps. It’s the times when my mind is free to wonder that it gets worse. Hang in there and thank you for writinf about it

    1. Hey Tim, I can relate to the distraction part very well. Indeed, it helps. It’s hard to be with your own thoughts while they’re so full of #puthereyourownuglywordofchoice. Thanks for stopping by.

  2. I had never heard of CPTSD so thank you for giving me some new information. I suffer from PTSD due to abuse from family members and also being a sexual assault survivor.

    Most days I’m okay but sometimes when people get angry at me I immediately shut down and go into protect mode where I’m completely silent and can’t respond to anyone. I literally just freeze. This is not useful when you are a Social Worker and people are constantly mad at you.

    I can’t go out alone to a large store because I always feel like I’m going to be attacked. This is getting better though because previously I could not go out anywhere by myself without having a panic attack. Medications have been a big plus in getting stabilized as well as talk therapy.

    I wish you love and luck on your journey to healing <3

    1. All this sounds quite harsh. I’m glad you’ve found some relieve in medications and therapy. I still struggle with the first one, but the latter was very useful for me too.
      Thanks for nice wishes, I wish you all best too. 🙂

  3. ‘I have so many bad memories, that I could easily write some horror books.’

    Me too.
    I’m C-PTSD and most people don’t see any symptoms until there is a stressful moment(s). Then bang! I’m triggered big time.

  4. It takes time to figure things out. Making mistakes and being confused is part of understanding better and finding a solution. Charlotte Joko Beck wrote:
    “It’s of no use to look back and say, “I should have been different.” At any given moment, we are the way we are, and we see what we’re able to see. For that reason, guilt is always inappropriate.”

  5. you’re very brave fire sharing that. I hope you find peace on your journey. I have pretty severe anxiety so I can relate in a sense, panic disorder. It sucks but medicine is helping thankfully and support from friends and family. I know what it’s like to avoid people at times because of negative feelings. Your story will help a lot of people not feel alone 🙂 thanks for sharing

  6. Thank you for this post and for sharing a very informative article, and including the YouTube videos which are most helpful to understand C-PTSD. I am a survivor of sexual and emotional abuse and recovering after years of psychotherapy. It’s unfair that I had to go for therapy instead of the abusers; they got off scot-free. Reblogged.

    1. I know it’s not fair that abusers don’t get the therapy or punishment they might deserve many times, but we can’t influence this much. The only person we can influence entirely is us. At least this is what therapy thought me and how to let go the need to change others (still working on this, it’s not easy). Thanks a lot for reblog.

  7. Oh my gosh. When you said “I ran”……I have been running my entire life. Literally moving and changing jobs every year, not letting anyone get to know me. Such a great distraction. Now I’ve stopped running & I’m falling apart. Trying to figure it out by myself. And yes, I’ve looked for a therapist and have yet to find a good one. Thanks for sharing.

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