Random Thoughts

Let’s Talk About Self-sabotage

“Oops I did it again” could be my life motto. Sounds familiar?

Recently I put myself into a very bad mood (again) with my self-sabotaging behavior. I know that I’m not really smart, but I do know enough that I could already stop such behavior from happening again. I also know that it doesn’t happen overnight and that we all fail sometimes. And that I’m still an awful addict.
Honestly, this was my attempt to be more understanding towards myself, not looking for an excuse. 😀 Yeah, not great there either.

This time I brought myself to the point where I can’t feel any pleasure in anything at all. And I’ve done some pretty awesome stuff recently I’m very proud of. I just can’t feel the joy.

I know I can pull myself out again. And again and again. I just… I’m really tired of such life, that’s all.

Let’s see what am I actually talking about here.

Different ways of self-sabotaging behavior

  • Avoiding people and situations that make you uncomfortable
  • Staying within your comfort zone and avoiding change
  • Setting goals that are too low to ensure success
  • Creating conflict with romantic partners, loved ones, friends, or coworkers
  • Trying to control others
  • Attempting to gain others’ approval
  • Making excuses
  • Taking actions that don’t match your values and goals
  • Comparing yourself to others
  • Social withdrawal or isolation
  • Risky behaviors (such as substance use, gambling, overspending, or promiscuity) 1

I’m guilty of doing most of the things from this list, except the last one, and creating conflicts, I rather avoid them. I’m also very much into social withdrawal, I do try my best to not avoid all people though.

Now that I’m thinking, I find it harder to do everything wrong, despite the urge to do it. I guess I can take it as a small sign of progress.
I really hate the slow pace of my recovery, but speeding things up never helped, so I’ll just need to work on my patience too.

I don’t know if others really spot my behavior, while I definitely see this in others. It hurts me if a person I care about does something like this.
This gives me just another reason to think about distancing myself from others in order not to hurt them. I know how stupid it sounds now, while it does make much sense while I’m just thinking about it.

In a way, I prefer to keep conversations like this private, it’s not easy to write about so many failures, you know. I also know that this blog already helped many of you. And helping others is more or less the only thing that kept me going through the years (when I’m not madly in love).
I was even overthinking what would be more self-sabotaging at this moment – to blog or not to blog. Well, it is what it is now, I chose not to hide at this very moment, even though it feels uncomfortable.

Thanks for reading my moody lines.

How are you dealing with self-sabotaging behavior in yourself and others you care about?

Further reading:
Self-Sabotage
What Is Self-Sabotage? How to Help Stop the Vicious Cycle

Sources:

  1. Self-Sabotaging: Why We Do It & 8 Ways to Stop

15 thoughts on “Let’s Talk About Self-sabotage

  1. You are smart! And very brave for writing about your battle because it does help people who feel they are alone in fighting these issues. I’ve read a few posts today among the “depressed” and you and I are not the only ones feeling down right now. It’s so hard when the world is in such a mess. I try so hard not to allow the news to get to me, but it does. If you are wired that way, you’re stuck with it. And honestly, I don’t want to be the sort of person who doesn’t care. Just know you have plenty of company! And never hesitate to write!
    I wish you relief soon!

  2. You are very wise, and I hope you recognize that and the gift of empathy and advice you give to others. And certainly wise enough to recognize your behaviour and a way forward to course correct. Good luck!

  3. We all stumble sometimes with our own unique internal and external circumstances. It is in the knowing we have, willingness to understand it in all its (often times) complexity, and continue on that is so important. I appreciate your sharing here Maja. I’m sending you lots of care on this human journey. 💗💗

  4. I think some of the ways a person self-sabotages has not been our choice these days with the Chinese pandemic. I had covid, but because I choose to not get vaccinated, some choose to not associate with me or get close. I am a hugger and very transparent. I have new neighbors that won’t even leave their home but to put their dog out. I am friendly, but have found myself learning how to cope with being isolated or doing things alone. It is a lonelier world we live in as people are more sensitive, controlled by governments and the dictates of others. Loss of freedom always has a price we all must pay. The culture is changing and I fear it is not for the best for any of us. It is making many of us mentally challenged. It is not normal what we are going through and how some want us to become. Only my faith in God keeps me steady.

  5. This entry (and your journey over to my blog recently) reminded me of this page again….where we commented a couple times in the past about something you wrote, but I don’t remember what! Anyway, I wrote a long post about my own self-sabotage habits awhile back. Won’t link it here cause I wouldn’t use your blog to promote my own, but let’s just say that I totally get it. Especially the last reason on your list

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