“Oops I did it again” could be my life motto. Sounds familiar?
Recently I put myself into a very bad mood (again) with my self-sabotaging behavior. I know that I’m not really smart, but I do know enough that I could already stop such behavior from happening again. I also know that it doesn’t happen overnight and that we all fail sometimes. And that I’m still an awful addict.
Honestly, this was my attempt to be more understanding towards myself, not looking for an excuse. 😀 Yeah, not great there either.
This time I brought myself to the point where I can’t feel any pleasure in anything at all. And I’ve done some pretty awesome stuff recently I’m very proud of. I just can’t feel the joy.
I know I can pull myself out again. And again and again. I just… I’m really tired of such life, that’s all.
Let’s see what am I actually talking about here.
Different ways of self-sabotaging behavior
- Avoiding people and situations that make you uncomfortable
- Staying within your comfort zone and avoiding change
- Setting goals that are too low to ensure success
- Creating conflict with romantic partners, loved ones, friends, or coworkers
- Trying to control others
- Attempting to gain others’ approval
- Making excuses
- Taking actions that don’t match your values and goals
- Comparing yourself to others
- Social withdrawal or isolation
- Risky behaviors (such as substance use, gambling, overspending, or promiscuity) 1
I’m guilty of doing most of the things from this list, except the last one, and creating conflicts, I rather avoid them. I’m also very much into social withdrawal, I do try my best to not avoid all people though.
Now that I’m thinking, I find it harder to do everything wrong, despite the urge to do it. I guess I can take it as a small sign of progress.
I really hate the slow pace of my recovery, but speeding things up never helped, so I’ll just need to work on my patience too.
I don’t know if others really spot my behavior, while I definitely see this in others. It hurts me if a person I care about does something like this.
This gives me just another reason to think about distancing myself from others in order not to hurt them. I know how stupid it sounds now, while it does make much sense while I’m just thinking about it.
In a way, I prefer to keep conversations like this private, it’s not easy to write about so many failures, you know. I also know that this blog already helped many of you. And helping others is more or less the only thing that kept me going through the years (when I’m not madly in love).
I was even overthinking what would be more self-sabotaging at this moment – to blog or not to blog. Well, it is what it is now, I chose not to hide at this very moment, even though it feels uncomfortable.
Thanks for reading my moody lines.
How are you dealing with self-sabotaging behavior in yourself and others you care about?
– What Is Self-Sabotage? How to Help Stop the Vicious Cycle