Random Thoughts

Living with unstable sense of self

Having borderline personality disorder and CPTSD can be interesting to say, at least. They both share some symptoms, yet they are different. And neither of them is pleasant.

I do have some issues, yet I’m still don’t look or behave like some sort of a lunatic, you might imagine from the movies. At least this is how my side of the story looks like.

I can change my mind and moods a lot. Making any kind of decision is also hard for me. I thought it would get easier with the age, but it’s really not.
I overthink things very often. This is not so bad, because I don’t do so many impulsive things anymore. The same thing is also preventing me to live my life more spontaneously and enjoy moments a bit more.

We all need some spontaneity, right?

My therapist said it’s normal to switch from one to another extreme during the therapy and that this might also be a good path to more balance eventually.
Remember the post Getting better is not always better? This is what I’m talking about.

It’s really annoying that I still see myself as ok in one moment and as a completely worthless and stupid person in another.

I’ve (l)earned my 6th certificate yesterday.
I might not be the very best when it comes to consistency at “normal” things (like staying in a regular job for a longer period of time), but I’m still good at some other things. Despite my obstacles with unstable self, and other drama in my head (no less real for me though). Learning is one of them, exercise another and there are some things I’m still working on, I’m just not consistent enough. Yet.

What are you most proud of doing consistently?

Further reading:
What Is Identity Disturbance?
What’s an Identity Crisis and Could You Be Having One?
What Is Personality?

21 Comments

  • Yetismith

    Unless I am having a really bad day, I exercise religiously and I always watch what I eat. So I guess you could say that I have self-discipline. When my new PCP told me he wanted me off oxycodone that I had been taking since my spinal fusion in 2007 I knew it would be hard but once I agreed to it, I got off it faster than he ever expected.

  • ZeroSpace

    I relate. As I’ve come to know myself, the self does vary and can change rapidly. Yesterday I was a bit moody and now I am off on another track. The good thing for me is I start therapy soon and person seems like good therapist so far. Good first impression which is rare.

  • socialworkerangela

    I work consistently. In my new job i don’t get the ability to just take time off like my old job thankfully I’m in a better space where i don’t to often feel the need .. though want sometimes is there… to take a day off because i can’t deal. I am dreading the day i get super depressed again.

  • cheriewhite

    I love to read, whether it’s reading books, other people’s blogs, or articles, I love to learn and if I’m not learning anything, I feel like I’m stagnating! Congratulations on your certificates! And I’m so proud of you for keeping up your exercise routine. Exercise is something I’m not consistent enough with. I do exercise, but not as regularly as I should, more like three days a week. LOL
    Keep up the awesome work! <3

  • Georgio Galben

    Reading is learning, listen is learning, prcatice it’s (still) learning. No matter what, we are in constantly learning but, (i think) one of the most important point is from who are you learning?

    I some situations i’m identify with you but i’m still so far to have little bit more knowledge (as i notice) you have. So? From WHO i’m learning?

    Thank you Lampelina, huge hug and cheers!

  • Jen and the Furries

    At age, let’s just say it’s over 50, I told my inner child for the first time that I believed her… and meant it. I can tell you this is one wild ride we are on, and healing takes time. So enjoy your life today. Take all those nice labels and put them on a table somewhere and promise them you’ll be back soon, then go out and live a few hours without them. Even if it’s just going shopping for food. I always sing with the music they play in the store where I shop. Some people stare, but I don’t care. I like it and that’s all that really matters.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: