My experience with narcissists and how to deal with them

Everyone of us has a little bit of a narcissist inside. It’s healthy and you need it to set some healthy boundaries

I won’t write about this sort of narcissism, but pathological one. If I’d have to give one piece of advice that works best when you’re dealing with a narcissist, avoid them at any cost would be it.

In reality, this is not always possible

You can have a narcissistic boss, a friend, a family member or even a spouse. Or even yourself 🙂 I don’t want to encourage you to play games with them (or with any people for that matter, it’s just cruel and not right).

I exposed this video, because it helped me to see them as a little kids. This way you can distance yourself mindfully out of the situation. And to learn that you can still have some control over the situations.

I find the video a bit insulting, because no matter what people do, it’s really not nice to laugh at them or play games for that matter.

Your most powerful weapon

Don’t let them make a bad guy out of you too. I know it can be really tempting, but it’s just not worth it.
Also beware, that they are masters of revenge, so it’s best to leave them alone and seek some professional help for yourself. And find as much comfort and support as possible all around and within yourself.

Some people can bring up the best in us and some of them the worst. It’s best to stick to the first ones as much as possible.

This is one fine piece of advice in general, while dealing with people. Yet you can still get hurt, especially if you’re a very sensitive person. And you won’t believe it – narcissists are extremely sensitive too. They just act in a different way, because they lack the empathy for the other side.

I was manipulated by some narcs to the point they made me believe I’m the narcissistic one and I ended up apologizing to them for my and their reactions.
It’s something that many victims of narcissistic abuse have in common.

I’m really glad I went through some group therapies, to see that I’m not always the craziest person in the room.

I was also extremely lucky to meet a narcissist who actually acknowledges his narcissism and came into the group therapy (they tend to be very resistant to therapy, because they’re strongly convinced that there is nothing wrong with them).

He gave me some very useful insights and I’ve learned how fragile can they be, even though they look extremely tough on the outside.
But beware, they can easily fake some empathy as a part of manipulation – they love mind games. Consciously or unconsciously.

What about you, do you have any experience with a narcissist in your closer environment? What works for you?

Further reading:
8 Types Of Narcissists & How To Distinguish Them
Why Do Narcissists and Borderlines Fall in Love?
The Difference Between Borderline Personality and Narcissism Symptoms and Treatment

0 Replies to “My experience with narcissists and how to deal with them”

  1. Good of you to write to this; thanks for sharing your experience. I have a relative who’s a narcissist and I have finally learned just to not take him too seriously, or to trust him with ANYthing. It’s rather like the fable of the fox and the scorpion: the scorpion cannot help but be itself – and I realized it was a fool’s errand to try to change him. The fool was me. Thanks for your candid writing.

  2. I think it’s a relief when one just lets such people be. I don’t like to be around them and sure as hell cannot stand them, so I usually avoid them or have minimal communication. It’s better that way because as you said, there’s no point trying to change such people. It’s worse when you feel like you’re not a good person, I totally relate to that point!

  3. This is so true! Unfortunately I was in a relationship a few years ago with a person just like this and at some point I had no idea of what was going on and how to deal with it. After breaking up he kept coming back into my life with revenge and some strange attitudes. This really helpful. Thank you!

  4. How I’ve defined Narcissism…

    It’s the element of not being able to see anyone else’s reflection but your own. No, I don’t mean a literal reflection, like the tale of Narcissus, who was someone who saw his reflection in a fountain and drowned in it. I don’t mean a mirror or a pool of water. I’m referring to someone’s eyes.

    We see the soul in someone’s eyes. We may call the saying that says, “The eyes are the windows to the soul” as a mere play-on metaphor, though it is much more than that. If you can see what a Narcissist sees, that they see themselves in the world, and no one else, there is that focus. It is the focus upon ugliness over the truth of another person. For if a person only sees their own truth, only ever focuses on their own truth, they will inevitably turn to Narcissism. That is because the truth of another person is seen through their eyes. If the reflection a Narcissist sees of another person is far too alien to even want to comprehend, they will turn away. There are many people who refuse to see themselves, will not want to look at themselves, knowing the devious actions they have committed. They are disgusted at the sight of themselves, those people who do not want to see their own reflection. Though, that is the guilt of a person, and from such guilt, we always better ourselves.

    I’ve never personally experienced a Narcissist in my life. Though, I do look at the world, and I notice how the current generations are. They seem to be told to focus on themselves, love only themselves, trust only themselves, and be very secretive and cautious around others. All of that can be summarized down to a very simple word: fear. Fear of knowing others, fear of loving others, fear of trusting others, and fearful of others knowing you. All such “promotion” does is cave people into themselves, and cause them to withdraw into a shell, and form a fortress around them, so no one can enter. We’ve developed this “Me” culture, where some fool probably believed this was the best way for someone to never be betrayed, if they just kept everything locked within. It always becomes a poison, to never trust someone else.

    I believe a person becomes a Narcissist when they are never open about themselves, their true selves, and the things they are open about, become tiresome to listen to. It is because they are always talking about themselves, though never who they really are.

    1. Thanks for some great thoughts on the topic.
      Considering what you wrote, I consider myself as a covert narcissist who improved to the point of being “just” borderline. Maybe this is why I think I can really understand them, but the truth is that I actually understand only myself, like we all do. No matter the knowledge and similarities, we can never put ourselves in another person’s shoes.

      I also strongly agree about the part of current generations and the new “me” world. I might write the whole post about this topic, thanks for many ideas.
      It got me thinking if the “f**k” it philosophy I already mentioned in one of the posts is the right way we should go by. We have too many extremes, on one side there is the belief we need to be good to others and ourselves and on the other the complete opposite, the “f**k it” stuff which can easily turn you into a narcissist if you’re not a stable person.
      I’m glad you never experienced a narcissist in your life. It’s one pain less in your life. 🙂

      1. Even if we cannot entirely comprehend what another person feels, whatever pain a person suffers should not be turned over to pride. No one is strong when we are within the pain, though when we are past the pain. That is, when we are no longer in fear, that is strength.

        What person ever becomes strong in this world, by believing their pain to be so “unique” or so “different” from another’s pain? What person actually feels their pain to make them “special”? No. What makes a person special, or proud, or feel accomplished, is knowing they aren’t alone in such pain. For being alone in pain, only ever increases the pain.

  5. I come from a family of narcissistic, alcoholic, addicted personalities. I spent a lifetime putting everyone else before myself. I turned 50 and still permitted people to take advantage, disregard and disrespect me. When my mother passed in 2012 (my Dad is 2015), i had siblings do horrific things. I tried to forgive AGAIN… even with certain “friends”. By 2018, i washed my hands of all but a couple of family members and those “friends” It was the BEST decision EVER! I reached my absolute limit. Never again.

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