Random Thoughts

Self-care through boundaries

I’ve heard many self-care advice. Some good, some bad, and all in-between. There is also one thing that I’ve finally learned. I can’t take care of others anymore, because I haven’t really taken good care of myself just yet.

Remember my post about comments? This was the time when I was saying NO to literally everything.
Not because I’d wanted to, but I was already too tired, because of saying yes to so many things before that.

Good boundaries are the basics I tend to forget way too often on my way to trying to fit in the fantasy goals I made in my mind. This happens especially when I listen to other people too much and start to compare myself with everyone. This can trigger my inner critic to go mad by repeating “if they can do it, you can do it too; you’re nothing special“.
I might not be special, but I’m a human, and one (wo)man can only do so much, right? Every human has its own capabilities and obstacles (even if some of them are just a product of our minds).

While many people need to learn how to kick themselves to do more, I need to kick myself into doing less. This way I might spare the energy for everything or at least more of the things that really matter to me.
I’d really like to help some other people along the way, not just taking care of my own bare survival.

This can be achieved through setting some good boundaries and it’s only up to me to set them well (like it’s up to you to set up yours). It’s also up to me to speak up and ask for all the help I need or to be quiet and regret the 1001 thing when I’m 80 (if I ever live so long).

For this matter, I wrote a special page, and you can call me crazy for doing it so.
Tomorrow you’ll probably forget what you read, but if somebody who can and wants to actually help reads this, it might change my and other people’s lives a lot.

Life begins at the end of the comfort zone, right?

I’ve started to push myself out of my comfort zone and meet more people in person. Despite being an introvert and I don’t know what else my mind told me to be to hold me back. I still believe I am one, btw. And I also believe that I need more human contact than I ever thought I do. It’s just that I need more of the right human contact, not just meeting all random humans along the way (the random part is actually the one that exhausts me). I’m talking about people I can relate to and this is quite rare. What about you, do you relate easily with others or do you find it hard to connect?

We might not fit in with everyone, but everyone has somebody in this world who thinks alike. Even if this somebody comes from another part of the world. Or if it’s in the form of your shrink.
*blushes*
I’d be really glad to organize a Lampelina picnic someday and invite you all, to meet you in person as well.
If it comes to this, I’d need somebody to help me organize the whole thing (feel free to volunteer 🙂 ). I can barely organize my basic day on my own. 😀

Further reading (and watching):

Ask yourself these questions before saying “yes” or “no” to anything
The Guide to Strong Relationship Boundaries
Boundaries @ WikiHow

What about you? Do you set your boundaries well or is this your nightmare area too?

13 Comments

  • Yetismith

    You absolutely can’t help anyone else if you yourself are drained. I always felt guilty that I so resented having to care for my father but my therapist pointed out that great care givers are generally people who were well loved and have a lot to give back. I had no reserves of love for my father because he gave me none. It makes me sad, still, but at least I don’t feel guilt anymore.

  • AP2

    I have a tendency to push myself too hard. I have to tell myself to do less – to be ok with not trying to achieve all the time. When it comes to self-care and self-improvement I think self-acceptance is key. Metaphorically whipping oneself to make up for feeling inadequate doesn’t work long term. If you accept who you are – you end up working with your emotions instead of against them. You end up wanting to become a better person because you love yourself and simply want the best for that person. Wishing you well Maja 🙏

    • Maja

      Right? 🙁 I really don’t know what needs to happen and how many people need to “lose themselves” (or even die – if not else, stress is a killer, a slow and quiet one) before we will make shorter working hours a new norm for all of us. Or make them optional, without compromising our existence.

  • ZeroSpace

    It’s a challenge for me. I developed an eating disorder that forced me to slow down though. Metabolism down-regulated itself and so I couldn’t achieve what I used to if I wanted to. This is a cautionary tale for other anxiety people. Take care of your shit and set boundaries or you may develop ARFID or something equally terrible and then you won’t get much done anyway.

  • Hetty Eliot

    We can’t say yes to everything or we burn out and can’t help any soul, whether it be someone else or ourselves. I too know it’s hard not to feel a little bad about it, because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, but as long as we save our energy for when the shit really hits someone’s fan, all shall be well.

  • ashok

    True – I have always taken care of mine and respected others boundaries.
    But at the same time I have never said no to anyone needing help.

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