Sometimes It Sucks

Sometimes it sucks.
It sucks to be me.

It sucks that I’ve met the sweetest man ever, who loves me a lot.
It sucks that I can’t feel any passion towards him.
It sucks that I still miss my former psychiatrist with whom for obvious reasons I can’t meet again, but still want to. I miss his energy so much…

It sucks when I want something or someone I can’t have.
It sucks when I want nothing.

It sucks when the sun shines.
It sucks when it rains.
It sucks when I want to control everything.
It sucks when I want to control nothing.

It sucks to be me.
It sucks when I’m not.

It sucks when I wait too long.
It sucks when I don’t wait at all.

It sucks when I don’t know exactly which of my needs is not satisfied, and need too much time to finally find out.
It sucks when I feel like I suck at everything.
It sucks when I feel like I’m more than I really am.
It sucks when I don’t know who the f** I am.

It sucks when I have to do something.
It sucks when I have nothing to do.

It sucks that this whole thing doesn’t rhyme btw, right? (:

It sucks when my PMDD time strikes again.
It sucks when I can’t remember the most basic things and go “normally” through the day.
It sucks when I can’t ground myself.
It sucks when I can’t feel connected with anything or anyone.
It sucks when a tiny discomfort feels like the end of the world.

It sucks when I feel too much.
It sucks when I can’t feel a thing.
It sucks when I’m happy. It sucks when I’m not.
It sucks when I feel like everything sucks.

And it feels good to write about it.

I just wanted to share a tiny amount of my anger with you (which turned into a burst of laughter… ๐Ÿ˜€ It sucks how I can’t let everything to just suck).

Anyhow. Otherwise, I prefer to keep my angry thoughts private in my personal journal, draw or go for a walk when I’m angry (in nature if possible).
I’ve tried meditation, but it didn’t work for my anger. It helps elsewhere though.

It’s not healthy if you bottle up your emotions. Whatever you feel – it’s ok, even if it’s completely unexpected considering the situation you find yourself in.
It matters how you respond to your emotions and how are you dealing with them.

How are you dealing with your anger? Do you prefer to keep your angry thoughts to yourself or do you feel comfortable sharing them?

18 thoughts on “Sometimes It Sucks”

  1. Long ago when I felt anger, I used to throw things. Never anything valuable! With therapy I seemed to let go of the anger I had. These past few years I sometimes get angry, when I am tired and frustrated but it’s a bit scary because it gets white hot. I don’t know how to control it or where it comes from.

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  2. You articulate yourself very well, Maja – and that doesnโ€™t suck! Iโ€™m sorry for the moments you go through the blues, but itโ€™s good that you are able to let it out. ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ™

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  3. Someone told me to try a “rage on the page” exercise where you write everything making you angry and then rip it up. I think it helps to get stuff off your chest.

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  4. Maybe look at your anger and transmute it into positive, healing energy? Transmute it with excercise, or gardening (no gloves, hands into the soil), or ‘wild child’ dancing? My favourite is either hugging a tree for as long as possible (trees love our negative energy!), walking or chopping wood for a fire or cooking veggie soup.

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    • Thanks for sharing your ideas.

      Chooping wood sounds a little dangerous to me. I hope you won’t hurt yourself in one of your next bursts of anger. Take care

      Reply
  5. ๐Ÿ’๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒบ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿฆ‹๐Ÿต๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฎ I empathize… Holding your suckiness feelings and trusting for your future and your well-being ๐ŸŒท

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