The power of love

A while ago, I wrote a letter to my special someone. This post will be closely connected to it.

I imagined love in many other ways, but never like this. I never thought that unrequited love will give so much life and love to me. From me.

I guess it makes sense in a way. While you feel so much love and you can’t give it to somebody else, you might end up giving it to yourself. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

How I fell in love in the first place?
I’m tired of overexplaining myself, not just to shrinks, but to others as well. Some people just don’t get you and that’s fine, but I really needed this at the time. I’ve got the feeling that he trully understood what I’m saying instantly.
One day when we talked, it felt like I saw myself in a mirror. My less damaged self, with all of my strong parts (of course, I can spot some of his bad threads too and I’m well aware we don’t know each other oh that well).
I’ve got the feeling that I’ve met the male version of me in a way.

He usually says exactly the same things I’d say to somebody else. But obviously I needed him to start listening to my own wisdom and some other people too.

Words are very powerful and it does matter where they come from. Choose them wisely. You never know who you end up saving a life to.

He also reminds me of my dad – it makes sense, I do look like my dad in many ways, we’re closelly related. As much as it felt right, it felt very very wrong. And this wasn’t just because of he being my shrink an reminding me of my dad.

This was a piece of puzzle I’ve been banging my head with for very long time. I couldn’t get it why the hell do I feel so embarased? Is it because it feels like falling in love with my dad? I thought so at first, but this really wasn’t the case. It was far worse and really sad.
It was because I was so ashamed of loving me. I still am to some point.

I’m taking him as a mentor in a way now. Because of this experience, I can spot more of these traits in some other people too.
This love also protected me from falling too deep with the wrong guys. I’m beyond grateful for that.

I thought how much will I change through the therapy. But I only changed my point of view. I haven’t changed myself much, I’m just learning how to use this great brain of mine. I still don’t listen to myself, but I do listen to people who think in a similar way.

It matters who is around you, it matters a lot.

Is love really the greatest?
There might be one thing that is stronger than love. It’s called gratitude. This is how I came to the love for myself actually. It took me lots and lots of mindfulness with often focus on gratitude. It might work for you too or not, but there might be something on it.

People come and go. But you stay. You are always there for you, even when you think you’re not. And so it goes until your very last breath.
I hope you are in a good company.

What about you? What helps you to love yourself in a healthy way?

Further reading:
How to Keep Love From Making You Foolish
The Lessons of Love
5 Psychological Theories of Love

9 thoughts on “The power of love”

  1. I remember seeing myself in the mirror the first time it took my breath away, then I felt almost embarrassed to admit it until I realized that I was falling in love with who I was physically and emotionally… Learning that I am worthy of love, and admiration. I have vivid dreams when my male-me visits. I always know when I wake up that there is a message for me in it. I think valuing oneself and really truly loving every part of ourselves takes time and over time it sinks in more and more. Like you say ultimately we just have ourselves who stays with us forever. I sometimes feel so excited inwardly when I know I have made time to spend with myself, like a companion or best friend. I found it hard to do or admit because my mother drummed it into me to always put others first, always love, and if I didn’t she made me feel very selfish. So in some ways I felt like loving myself with a ‘sin’ or that it was offensive. So sad. But now I am passionate about loving one’s Self. I wish everyone could come to love themselves. Thank you for your interesting words on the power of love.

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  2. When I was very young, I had someone like that. Being around him made me feel alive. There could never be a relationship, but I wanted everything good for him. His being happy was much more important than me being happy. It taught me what it is to really love, unselfishly, I suppose. But even today I can’t say that I love myself. I know it’s important that you should, but from when I was a child I felt rejected, as if there was something wrong with me and I suppose it stuck all the way through therapy. I’ve learned at this late stage that what other people think is their problem, not mine. I believe I am a good person. I try to be and I am at peace with myself. That is at least something. Your posts are very helpful, Maja. I thank you for them.

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    • Thanks Carolyn. I believe you’re a good person too and I hope you’ll be able to feel such great love again as you once did ❤

      Love is “just” a feeling after all and it lives inside of us. Sometimes we need to see somebody to feel it, but sometimes a memory of a person is good enough too. Whatever helps to get you that feeling is fine. I can’t really stand in front of the mirror and just look and love myself. I need to be reminded somehow and thinking about the person I love, helps me with this. Then I can look in the mirror too and say “you’re ok, girl”. 😀

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