I never struggled to get the attention of men. But it seemed that I mostly attracted “the wrong” ones. And there is only one person to blame – me.
One of the most important questions to ask yourself before even think about dating is – would you like to date yourself?
You need to be brutally honest with yourself when answering, or it just won’t work.
You can write down all your reasons why would you (and wouldn’t) date yourself. Then go out and work to become the person you’d fall in love with – just to clear things out – in a healthy way, not supporting a narcissism here.
You don’t need to be perfect in anything to be good enough
Doing your best might be the perfection you’re seeking. For you and your future (or present) partner. If somebody doesn’t like you while you’re doing your best, he/she doesn’t deserve you.
Just reading about taking care of yourself and not doing anything is not your best, sorry.
If you can’t do anything, you might need professional help, so seeking one and working on yourself is something on the other hand, even if you’re depressed to the point that you can’t do much else.
You wouldn’t want to date somebody who is not taking good care of him/herself, right?
If you find people in need of help especially attractive, you might need some help for yourself too.
Been there too, not proud, even though it’s not so rare for traumatized people to have a strong need for helping and “saving” others.
Good care means different for everyone
But we can all probably agree that there are some basics that could apply to everyone. After all, we all share the same anatomy and physiology.
It comes down to your own values. If you value intelligence, you might close your eyes to some things you don’t like so much. If your value is a good look then other things won’t matter so much etc. You’re getting the point, right?
There is also nothing wrong if you don’t care for yourself and find a person who just can’t wait to be with somebody to take care of. I’m always for sharing some work in a relationship, but too much care (no matter if you give or take), takes you into a co-dependent relationship.
This is not healthy but might work if you’re both into this sado-maso type of relationship (been there too).
In the end, it’s up to you to decide what are you into. Do you want something healthy or you just don’t care for your and other person’s well-being all that much? Btw, it’s not easy looking at your loved one making bad care of him/herself. I know this story from both sides.
It’s ironic, but in the times I thought I was taking the most care for my boyfriend(s), I actually only cared about what I wanted. I haven’t thought about what the other person AND I actually need.
It wasn’t right, even though I didn’t know better. Now that I do, I might remain single for a very long time. And that’s perfectly fine with me, while not always easy though.
To sum things up – You can’t fail by taking good care of your physical and mental health. And please keep in mind that you always attract the right people, they just aren’t always what you’d imagine them to be.
You deserve all best and so does the person you love. Sometimes the greatest form of love means to just let go. If you can’t give your best, let somebody else do this instead. ♥
Last but not least – if you want a long-term relationship, you might better start your relationship goals as friends, upgrade this bond with being the very best friends, and after that, you can progress into the best match for each other.
I can’t confirm if this really works in practice just yet because I don’t even have a very best friend anymore. And I’m not sure if I’m able to be one to anybody at the moment. This hurts, I won’t lie. I might stick to the cats, for now, even this bond wasn’t easy to establish.
Why would you even listen to me or any other dating advice? This is the question for you actually. Why did you click on the article in the first place? 😉
What about you, do you attract people who are in a way your reflection too?
– Anyone Can Improve Their Sexual And Romantic Relationships. My Course Is Based On Decades of Research And Real World Experience. It’s Also Cheaper Than A Restraining Order
– Attachment and C-PTSD: How Complex Trauma Gets in the Way
– Codependency: What Are The Signs & How To Overcome It
– The Difficult Road to Intimacy: Living with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
– Why Loving Someone Isn’t Enough to Make It Work
P.S. here are some tips about letting go: Guest post: How to fix a broken heart