I’ve asked myself this many times, but the answer just wasn’t right. It woke me up in the middle of the night today, so I’ve cleared things up finally.
I wrote quite a long post and deleted everything. Because It just wasn’t right. Again.
So I’ll go straight to the point now that I’ve got this.
If I wasn’t afraid, I’d crash down the walls I build
I might stop sharing some of my deepest thoughts and emotions here and do this only with a few closest people. I might also allow myself to be more vulnerable in front of these people.
I would also hug others and myself more often, for real, not just with words. And allow myself to make some more mistakes.
Oh damn, I would, I will.
Sometimes I’m afraid of failing just as bad as I’m afraid of success.
Would I do anything else? I have no idea, sometimes I want to do many things, sometimes I believe just being here is enough. When I want to do many things, I’m usually overly caffeinated, so I don’t know how much does it really count. In this state, I’d sometimes want to “save the whole world”…
The older I get, the more I’m feeling that saving my own world might be just enough.
I might do less of everything if I wasn’t afraid.
I might rest more and just be.
I might do more.
Sometimes I don’t know.
I lost myself somewhere in my thoughts… oops.
I’m really grateful for the internet
Internet = connections.
This used to be my safest place in the world, probably even safer than my own mind sometimes. It still is in a way.
It doesn’t pay the bills but brings me some joy and a feeling that I too belong somewhere, even though just for a moment.
Thanks for co-creating this place. ❤️
Writing a private journal has its own benefits too btw and I’d strongly recommend it to anyone. It can help you to connect better with yourself, but not with others. To do so, you need to share things. With others.
I’d love to hear from you, what would you do if you weren’t afraid? And had all the money in the world, or for whatever other reason feel the freest?