It’s been a while since I posted my last personal post. I also deleted many of them.
I’m still having difficulty deciding how much of myself I want to share with you here. Or better put – how much of it is actually appropriate?
And who can judge that…
I’ve done lots of oversharing in the past, which now I understand, was just a normal reaction when I didn’t get my needs met otherwise.
Still unpleasant though – for me, and probably other people who find themselves on the other side. Not just here, but everywhere where I opened my mouth or wrote an essay about my internal world when one sentence would do.
To some extent, I might be doing it again with this post. Or am I?
I strongly believe that some thoughts need to be parked in the personal journey and remain there, so you can release your burdens without passing them to other people.
What do you think?
I’m wondering what is my intention today. Which need am I trying to meet with this post?
Do you ask yourself this question before you start to write your next post?
Or before you start interacting with your friend, family member, colleague, or other people?
Further reading:
– Guest post: Vulnerability As A Paradox
– 5 Reasons We Tell People More Than We Should
– Trauma Dumping: Why Considering the Impact of Oversharing Matters
This blog can sometimes work similarly to group therapy. Please keep in mind that this isn’t therapy, but we can still learn from one another.
I think you should share as much as you are comfortable with. No one is forced to read anything they don’t like. My feeling is that sharing one’s experiences allows others like ourselves to realize that we are not alone in our experiences and that we need not be permanently damaged by them. I wrote about most of my problems and found it very liberating. I had lived till the age of 70 with secrets that I didn’t want to hurt other people, but by then those people were all gone. But I don’t mean that you need to wait, only that if your telling your story may hurt someone else, then that is something you need to be sure about first. We all have different situations. Just do what feels right to you. Best wishes.
This sounds like one good way to go by when it comes to writing on your blog – to do what feels right.
Thanks for stopping by Carolyn, and all best to you too.
Sharing: I suppose the desired purpose or outcome needs to be taken into consideration when sharing.
I share from my life, my journey, the lessons I have learned, as well as the steps to get there. my purpose is to provide support and to offer a sort of blue-print for anyone who feels connected to my methods.
To this end, I will share what I went through, but I don’t get into too many details. A) I don’t wish to re-live what I went through,
B) nor do I wish to burden anyone with my old struggles; I just wish to provide enough details to build connection with other people.
There is always going to be a balancing act between sharing, and keeping some things more private.
Balance is important, indeed.
Thank you Tamara.
Absolutely agree! 😁
My blog is where I just post my thoughts and feelings. Only I really know what it is essentially all about.
I don’t really think about anyone else in the picture, because it’s not about them, it’s just about what I’m thinking/feeling, and I use my blog to do that. I’m not out to hurt anyone else.
I don’t think about what need am I trying to fulfil with my post nor what is my intention. I just write…
However another interprets it, is not up to me. I take no responsibility for what another chooses to understand or not.
Thanks for your insights, I appreciate it.
Sorry I was in a triggered state when I sent this, and so it came over a bit less kind. I apologise.
You’ve given me pause for thought in that maybe I should be asking these questions, as I don’t right now.
I do overshare a lot… and go back and forth… last night I wanted to delete my entire blog…. again… and stopped myself.
But I am going through quite difficult therapy which I’ve only just begun… and it’s obviously getting me to connect with myself more, which I don’t really do.
I wrote a couple of angry posts yesterday because I felt a lot of anger and I feel it was projecting that anger at my therapist… and yet I know that is not his fault.
I know I am the problem. The way I see it was that because he is going into my head, I feel that intrusion so to speak, and like dogs protecting their owners house, that is what is happening. That part of me is barking loud and clear, as if to say: who are you? And what do you want?
I can understand, thanks for your appology.
I can relate to the part about wanting to delete your blog. No matter what you do, you learn – as long as you do something.
The questions you’re asking yourself are essential for growth. I wish you all best in therapy.
Yeah… growth hurts, much more than I realised it would.
I am almost going along with the motions but trying not to feel anything, and it doesn’t work like that, I gotta feel it…
But I don’t wanna feel it… if that makes any sense.
Thank you for your understanding.
Great post. I knew that oversharing was a response to trauma, but I never thought of it as a response to having unmet needs. That makes a ton of sense to me, because I tend to overshare the most when I’m struggling the most with my mental health. When I started my blog, I was looking for a safe place to vent, and didn’t even think about how I was affecting anyone else. As I’ve gained a few followers (and gotten older in the meantime), I try to be more considerate of how my writing makes others feel. I try not to write anything *too* dark or depressing, but I agree with what Carolyn said– others are able to pick and choose what they read. If I come across a post that’s too dark for me, I won’t read it. So, I guess I try to strike a balance between being considerate, and venting my whole heart out.
Just being aware and looking for balance is probably the most we can do.
Thanks for your insights.
Nice to see a post from you today, Maja!
How much you decide to share is up to your comfort level. You ask very good questions in your post. Maybe it would help to list out the boundaries and parameters of what you feel comfortable sharing on your post and use that as guideline for future posts.
For example, some boundaries for my blog is I would not post T’s identifiable face or name and tell his story as a way to help advocate and raise awareness but also maintain his anonymity. That’s a helpful guideline for me in terms of what I end up sharing.
Good luck in figuring and fine tuning what works for you!
Thanks Ab, I’m happy to see you too. 🙂
Privacy of others is very important topic, especially when we’re talking about children. Great for pointing this out.
I use my blog for both…it’s like going for a run, clearing my head, focusing and look at a direction.
Thanks Warren.
To me it is therapeutic to share. Sometimes, I do go overboard but if I kept everything inside, I am afraid of what would happen. I would rather reach out sometimes rather than to just reach in.
Thank you for sharing your insights. Do you think you could reach out in any other ways or is this the only option you have?
You are so welcome. I like to talk but sometimes poetry, singing, or just sharing is helpful. I feel like what may be a mess or a test to me could be a message or testimony for someone else. So, I can’t keep that to myself when it could heal someone and make them feel less alone in this world.
I go back and forth on this. I am a chronic delete-posts person, as we have probably discussed before. Difficult or truthful posts go down like wildfire before long. You know it’s interesting, lately I have bonded with someone who has the bpd/cptsd combination, and in connecting with this person daily it has made me understand myself more and not only that given me a much deeper understanding of what your daily and weekly battles might be like. Even though you don’t post that often :). Like I reflect back on our conversations or your posts in past years and now I understand everything a little better. And some idea now of how hard things are for you. And I have deepened compassion now. How abstract, I know. But I just get bpd/cptsd stuff better now and it has everything to do with relating to this new blogger (new to me) who articulates these things daily in very skilled detail and it made me learn about her and me and others affected and all of it.
Thanks Melissa. I’m glad you deepened your compassion – feels great, doesn’t it? 🙂
Um… is this me you are talking of … I’m just checking…coz surely so much lovely stuff could not be as a result of me… 🤔
🙂
A lot of this questioning and anxiety about sharing reminds me of my friend, for what it’s worth. It’s interesting how consistent some symptoms of similar life experiences can be. It seems like trying to satisfy an unstable equilibrium when it comes to sharing and intimacy, forever impossible.
You share as you’d like to share. There’s no manual to it as long as you are comfortable and happy.
As a poet, I don’t ask that question of myself…to write well, I think, our hearts must be in our words,at least for me, it is like this:)