Relationships can be really painful sometimes, even if you’re doing your best. You are only responsible for your own actions, but you aren’t responsible for somebody else’s. And that’s good news.
It’s good to be prepared. Even before you spot a toxic behavior it’s good to know, that everybody can hurt you in a way, even if they don’t mean or want to. And you can hurt others.
You can save yourself some bad feelings by being aware of your expectations from others and be aware that nobody owes you anything. Even if you think it would be nice and so on. It would be nice, but it still doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. It’s how the world function. I don’t like it, you might not like it either, but this is how it is. And we won’t change that, at least not today.
The sooner you wake up, the better. Expectations can only let us down. The same goes for your relationship with you. If you’re going to expect too much from yourself, you might end up disappointed too.
The truth is, people will hurt you in your life. And you will hurt some.
But it’s not that everybody is doing this on purpose and not everybody is aware of their impact on you. We all are these people.
Some people are doing bad things on purpose or they just don’t care if somebody else gets hurt.
This behavior tells more about them than you.
This is why it’s good to set clear boundaries in your relationships. And not taking things too personally.
We will always hurt each other and ourselves, but you can spare yourself lots of pain.
It might help if you stay mindful and kind. You can always set clear boundaries and stay kind at the same time. But it comes down to you and what message do you want to project into the world around you and most importantly – to you.
Have you ever been ghosted? What helped you the most with that ghost?
Further reading:
– The Anatomy of Ghosting
– How to Respond to Ghosting
– Why Ghosting Hurts So Much
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Thanks for your good text! It is so important to stay mindful and kind -even, if the things are not as positive as they should be! Have a good time, Nessy from http://www.salutarystyle.com
Thank you Nessy. 🙂
Hmmm, that’s interesting. I’ve ended relationships abruptly when the relationship was too superficial to be worth bothering with. Frustration about the superficiality of it was draining my energy. Especially if that person was located physically near me but would only stay in touch digitally. The thing is, I’m not sure at that point of needing a clean break that there’s anything good that you could say to them, after having already tried to keep the friendship going— especially when you’ve come to realise that the person has personality traits that would prevent them from being able to discuss it constructively and objectively— e.g. they have a lack of empathy, or have some narcissistic traits. There are situations where you know/learn that it’s better to say nothing, when you’ve realised that you’re not compatible with someone. So that’s my experience with it.
Perhaps that is a common pattern— in-person relationships deteriorating, going more-and-more online, so that the people end up drifting apart through lack of connection— or even through unnecessary friction caused by text communication, which is a real big problem I think. And it then becomes easy for people to ‘ghost’ each other?
Could be that the underlying main problem is friendships deteriorating in the first place? And that’s what is happening more commonly than previously. And the underlying cause of that is the weaker connections and lower dependencies on each other— less community. Maybe all of this ‘clutter’ is just trying to fix the symptoms of this underlying problem which needs to be fixed.
At the same time the insular, isolated way in which we lives could also shield us from direct interaction with those truly toxic people like narcissists? At least the ones not in our families. I was wondering about this earlier.
I could give you a very long reply on this, but I’m just too tired atm. We can continue some other time at our usual spot, just remind me please. :)) Thanks for your inputs Robin.
No worries 🙂
Yup, it’s a big online problem.
I suppose being “ghosted” or even “ghosting” at some point in our lives is almost inevitable although it is still painful to go through. I think that sometimes we hurt others unintentionally, and when others bottle it up it means that they don’t talk about it, therefore we aren’t able to question or change our behavior toward them.
Very good. ♥️